Why men love bitches by Sherry Argov

To be clear from the start, the author Sherry Argov say that being a BITCH means to be a Baby In Total Control of Herself. The woman which Sherry Argov describes is kind yet strong. She knows what she wants but won't compromise herself to get it. Is that woman who plays by her own rules, who has a feeling of confidence, freedom and empowerment. This book is appropriate for the too nice girls who give everything, overcompensate, without having a man to invest much in the relationship.
 Sherry Argov lists a number of 100 attraction's principles, I don't write them all:

1. Anything a person chase in life runs away.
2. The women who have the men climbing the walls for them arent always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don't appear to care that much.
3. Sometimes a man deliberately won't call, to see how you'll respond.
4. If you starts out dependent, it turns him off. But if it's something he can't have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it.
5. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.
6. Act like a prize and you'll turn him into a believer.
7. The biggest variable between a bitch and a women who is too nice is FEAR. The bitch shows that she's not afraid to be without him.
8. If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else.
9. When a woman doesn't give in easily and doesn't appear docile or submissive, it becomes more stimulating to obtain her.
10. Being right on the verge of getting something generates a desire that has to be satisfied.
11. A man knows which woman will give in in to last-minute requests.
12. Whether you have terms or conditions indicates whether you have options. Almost immediately, you present yourself as a doormat or a dreamgirl.
13. If you ssmoother him, he'll go into defense mode and look for an escape route to protect his freedom.
14. Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he'll resent it. Let him give what he wants freely; then observe who he is.
15. A bitch gives a man plenty of space so he doesn't fear being trapped in a cage. Then .. he sets out to trap her in his.
16. Always give the appearance that he has plenty of space. It gets him to drop his guard.
17. More than anything else, he watches to see if you'll be too emotionally dependent on him.
18. He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then he will perceive you as an equal partner.
19. If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he'll not perceive her as more beautiful, he'll also take time to appreciate who she is.
20. Sex and '' the spark'' are not the one and the same.
21. Before sex, a man isn't thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn't.
22. Every man wants to have sex first; whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, you become his girlfriend without him realizing it.
23. A man intuitively senses whether sexuality comes from a place of security or from a place of neediness. He knows when a woman is having sex to appease him.
24. If you pull the sexual plug at the last minute, he'll label you a tease.
25. If he makes you feel insecure, let your insecurity be your guide.
26. Any time a woman compete with another woman, she demeans herself. 
27. Let him think he's in control. He'll automatically start doing things you want done because he'll always want to look like a ''king'' in your eyes.
28. When you cater his ego in a soft way, he doesn't try to get power in a aggressive way.
29. When you appear softer and more feminine, you appeal to his instinct to protect. When you appear more aggressive, you appeal to his instinct to compete.
30. If you give him a feeling of power, he'll want to protect you and he'll want to give you the world.
31. Men don't respond to words. They respond to no contact.
32. Men respect women who communicate in a succint way, because it's the language men use to talk to one another.
33. When you are always happy; and he is always free to go; he feels lucky.
34. If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you'll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you'll start to expect and need more from your partner.
35. Most women are starving to recive something from a man that they need to give to themselves.
36. A woman looks more secure in a man's eyes when he can't pull her away from her life, because she is content with her life.
37. The second a woman works overtime to make herself fit his criteria, she has lowered the standard of that relationship.
38. You jump through hoops any time you repeatedly make it very obvious you're giving your ''all''.
39. Jumping through hoops often has a negative outcome: He sees it as an opportunity to have his cake and eat it, too. But when you stay just outside his reach, he'll stay on his best behaviour.
40. The nice girl gives away too much of herself when pleasing him regularly becomes more important than pleasing herself.
41. The relationship may not be right for you, if you find yourself jumping through hoops. When something is right, it will feel easier and much more effortless.
42. When you nag, he tunes you out. But when you speak with your actions, he pays attention.
43. When a man takes a woman for granted, he still looks for reassurance that she is still ''right there''.
44. When the routine becomes predictable, he's more likely to give you the same type of love he had for his mother -----and the odds that he will take you for granted increases.
45. Negative attention is still attention. It lets a man know that he has you ---- right where he wants you.
46. When you treats him casually as though he's a friend, he'll come your way. Because he wants things to be romantic, but he wants also to be the pursuer.
47. A little distance combined with the appearance of self'control makes him nervous that he may be losing you.
48. A man takes a woman for granted when he's interested, but will no longer go out of his way.
49. When you nag, you become the problem, and he deals with it by tuning you out. But when you dont nag, he deals with the problem.
50. If you take his chores away from him and praise someone else for doing it, he'll want his chores back.
51. When you nag, he sees weakness.
52. He perceives an emotional woman as more of a pushover.
53. In the same way that familiarity breeds contempt, a slightly aloof demeanor can often renew his respect.
54. He'll forget what he has in you .. unless you remind him.
55. Many women talk a lot out of nervousness --- which is something that men will often perceive as insecurity.
56. Talking about feelings to a man will feel like a work. When he's with a woman, he wants it to feel like fun.
57. Forcing him to talk about feelings all the time will not only make you seem needy, it will eventually make him lose respect. And when he loses respect, he'll pay even less attention to your feelings.
58. In the beginning, the only thing you need to pay attention to is whether he keeps coming around, becaus he'll only be able to suspend or hide his emotions for so long.
59. Men treat women the way they treat other men. They '' play it cool '' because they don't want to appear weak or desperate.
60. Don't always do the same thing over and over in the bedroom. Vary it so that it doesn't become a predictable routine.
61. Most men tend to disrespect a woman who appears to be too malleable.
62. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. It will not only earn his respect, in some cases it will even turn him on.
63. When a man falls in love, suddenly he'll go out of his way and think nothing of it. He'll do things for this woman he wouldn't have done for anyone else.
64. He'll never respect you as being able to hold your own unless you can stand on your own two feet financially.
65. You have to show that you won't accept mistreatment. Then you will keep his respect.
66. When a man views a woman as a ''little girl'' or a sister he has to take care of, the passion diminishes. He doesn't want to make love to his sister.
67. The ability to choose how you want to live, and the ability to choose how you want to be treated are two things that give you more power thhan any material object ever will.
68. In a relationship of any kind, if one person feels the other person isn't bringing anything to the table, he or she will begin to disrespect that person.
69. Regardless of how pretty a woman is, looks alone will not sustain his respect. Appearance may pull him in, but it is your independence that will keep him turned on.
70. Don't give a reward for bad behavior.
71. Often the best way to adjust or fix a problem is by not letting him it's being fixed. When you alter your availability or change a predictable routine, it will mentally pull him back in.
72. A ''yes'' woman who gives too much sends the impression that she believes in the man more than she believes in herself. Men view this as weakness not kindness.
73. The most attractive quality of all is dignity.

I've skip one of them.

Suggestions for people seeking love

Suggestions regarding Beauty

Look for a partner who is as physically appealing as you are. You should do everything you can to look your best when meeting someone you are interested in.

Suggestions regarding Character

You dont need exceptional skills or abilities to find love.
People who are warm, sensitive, and considerate, who, proferably, have a good sense of humor- and who also like us- are the best candidates.

Suggestions regarding finding love

Use the power of self-fulfilling prophecies. Treat your potential parteners as if they were exactly what you want them to be-sexy, exciting, attractive.
Make a conscious effort to make yourself as attractive as possible by improving the attractive parts of yours appearance and personality.
                     
                 '' To be loved, be lovable ''  - Ovid, '' The art of Love ''


Others suggestions

''The person who is similar to you in appearance, intelligence, attitudes, interests, emotional maturity, as well as background, is the person whom you are most likely to live happily ever after.
Once you have found someone who is similar to you in the important dimensions, look for someone whose personality complements yours in a way you find exciting and rewarding.''

''Use both the power of the reciprocity of love as well as the power of need satisfaction.
The best strategy with a promising candidate is to be attentive, open, warm, and pleasant. But most importantly, be sensitive to your partner's needs and respect his or her right to feel, think, and do things differently - even if you are convinced that your way of expressing care is the right way.''

''Do not hold back love waiting for the perfect partner. Giving love freely and generously to the less than perfect people who happen to cross your path can assure you of receiving many coins of love from the people around you.''

''Be aware of your love screens. Think about the two people with whom you were most in love. What do, or did, they have in common ? The quality, or qualities, they have in common says more about you than about them. The commonalities point to the screens you use for choosing a romantic partner.''


''People looking for love need to assess the full picture of their psychological, as well as physical, needs and determine which needs are most important.''
''While some needs are better gratified when complementary, such as the match between a person who likes teaching and a person who likes to be taught, other needs are better satisfied when both partners share them.''

''Take time for the wonderful task of remembering- with as much detail and clarity as possible- each and every one of the people with whom you have ever been passionately in love. Make a list of their most endearing traits - physical, emotional, behavioral - the traits that made you fall in love with them. These shared traits represent your romantic image. If you have hundreds of falling in love experiences and none of the people with whom you were in love showed any similarity to each other or the people who were significant in your childhood, it may mean you are falling in love with falling-in-love more than with a particular person.''
If your past love experiences have been frustrating, and you decide that you don't like the prescription of your romantic imaage, you have 2 main options: One is to avoid people to whom you are attracted and choose instead people with whom you are comfortable, people who can be close and trusted friends, but never bring you to either the height of passion or the depth of despair. The other option, is to take responsability for your romantic choices, analyze your romantic image, and try to turn it from a script for disasteer into an opportunity for growth.''

''Most people are not aware of the effect their childhood experiences with their parents have on their love relationships. Tragically, people who were unloved or even rejected as children continue to suffer in unsatisfying love relationships as adults.

''The first step to turn couple problems into opportunities for growth is to developing awareness. It starts with an exploration of the things that made the couple fall in love with each other, the things that are most problematic for them in each other, and the connection between the two.
The second step, and the harder step for many, is expressing empathy. The third step is behavioral change.''



Advice for good love: ''Don’t love those from far away.
Take yourself one from nearby.
The way a sensible house will take local stones for its building,
stones which have suffered in the same cold and were scorched by the same sun.''

― Yehuda Amichai '' Advice for Good Love '' in Love Poems.

Falling in Love * Why we choose the lovers we choose * by Ayala Malach Pines

This book was for me a fresh breath of air. I devorated it instantly. I would wish I have found it earlier because it is such a knowledgeble book. Yet I always asked myself why I choose the same pattern of men in my dating relationship, this book clear up some points.
Falling in love constitutes one of the most emotionally intense, exciting, exhilariting, and significant of life's experiences. Falling in love is being high above the clouds. Love is standing firmly on the ground.

I love that at the end of every chapter, you can find tips for finding your romantic love. Also, we can find why so many people are attracted to people who don't reciprocate their love and cause them pain.
How do people fall in love with each other ? Ayala said that exist some situational variables as proximity and arousal that encourage and enhance the falling in love. But that is not all. What do we attract us in first stage ? The physical appearance is an important selection criterion, mostly for men. Once a person passed successfully the stage one (physical appearance), can proceed to stage two, where other selection criteria need to be passed in order to proceed to stage three. For many men the initial attraction is very important because that makes them to listen to the women they are attracted to, and be more attentive. For many women, the listening, the attention, the support make them fall in lovee !
''To put it more bluntly, for many men, the physical attraction caused the relationship; for many women, the relationship caused the physical attraction.''

Ayala said based on many clinical researches that love is not really blind. We don't fall in love by accident or by chance. We choose not only conscious but also unconscious ours lovers.

In this book, we will read clinical researches about the differences between people who avoid love, who cling to it, who find it easily and feel secure in the relationship. Also, we're going to read about the internal romantic image, that determines those with whom we choose to fall in love and explain, why.
Another precious part brings up to surface the benefits of a relationship: is the best place for us to grow as individuals, because seeming errors can be turned into opportunities for our evolution.

Rollo May, the american psychologist reveals the distinction between romantic love (as Eros) and sex. He said ''sex is need'', whereas ''Eros is desire.'''' Eros is a mode of relationg to others; in eros, we don't seek the release of sex, but seek rather to cultivate, procreate, and form the world.''

According to Scott Peck, another american psychiatrist said that ''falling in love is not real because it is not an act of will: it is efortless.'' The clearest proof lies in the annoying observation that ''lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones.''

For people who are not religious, falling in love can be seen such as a ''divine'' experience.
What do we tend to choose at our partners ? Similarity traits or people differents from ourselves ? ''Despite the evidence for the rewards obtained from people to whom we are different, the lion's share of the research on attraction indicates that similarity has far greater influence.''
Now is arising another question: What's the meaning of this, why some people choose people with similar traits and why others choose different partners from themselves ? This has to do with self-acceptance. Zehava Solomon (1986) discovered that ''people with high levels of self-acceptance chose parteners whom they perceived as similar to themselves, whereas people with low levels of self-acceptance chose partners whom they viewed as different from themselves.''

Wisdom pieces selected from the book:

''The lovers we choose share with us a similar level of attractiveness.''
''Similarity in attractiveness ensures greater satisfaction in a relationship - and greater succes for the relationship - than does involvement with a person of unusual beauty.''

''The most attractive thing about a rmantic partner is the fact that he or she first found them attractive.''

''Beauty is subiective.'' Some men and women can look more beautiful to some people than to others.'' Beauty doesn't guarantee succeding in a relationship or finding the best marriage.''
Beauty and character influence each other and both influence us.
Men prefere women with low waist-to hip ratio and large breasts. Why ? Men links these features to fertility and health.
''Beauty does not guarantee happiness. While attractive people can be more popular and tend to have better social skills, they are not more self-confident. Beautiful people are concerning to think that they are liked for their looks and not for who they are.''

''Not only can someone who appears attractive to us, appear very unacttractive to others but our perception can change in reaction to things that have nothing to do with appearance.''

''People we learn to love look more attractive to us than they did initially, whereas people we learn to despise can come to look ugly.''

People with traits like warmth, sensivity, sense of humour are more likely to find parteners. Mutual attraction is very important in order to have a relationship and when people are feeling good they are more open to love.

''While men emphasize physical attractiveness, women more often look for social and economic status, ambition, strong character, and intelligence in a potential mate.''

''When we perceive people as attractive - because of their appearances or personalities - we expect them to behave in ways that characterize attractive people. These expectations, in turn, encourage behaviours that make our expectations come true.''

''Our behaviour influences the people around us. If a woman treats a man like the most caring and generous man on earth, she is going to help bring out more of his generosity.''

''We need to develop a strong sense of ourselves and know who we are before we can develop true intimiate relationship.'' Self-confidence influences our ability to give and receive love.

''People without well-developed senses of identity are afraid of intimacy because they are terrified of being engulfed and losing themselves in relationships.'' ... -''When people with a low sense of identity fall
in love, their feelings are unusually intense, overwhelm them, and cause obsessive, tumultuous loves.''

Practice self-actualization, a constant effort to grow, to develop your inherent talents and capabilities.

''Like Narcissus, many people are attracted to their reflection that is  other people who share the same characteristics. People choose them who are similar to them in levels of intelligence and personality. Introverts choose introverts and extroverts prefer extroverts.''

'Exemple:'' It would be very difficult for a liberal democrat to continue dating a racist fascist.. haha ''

''People who are similar to us—in attitudes, personality, physical appearance, and background - seem familiar. And as we know, the familiar is more comfortable and pleasant to us than the unfamiliar.''


''Differences can be more exciting than similarities. We are more likely to learn something new and valuable.''

''Often the pretenders begins to love truly and ends by becoming what he feigned to be.'' (Ars Amatoria)

''While women tend to be more cautious during the courtship stage, men fall in love faster and stronger. In the move from courtship to commited relationship women tend to move faster and men caution.''

''The greater the insecurity and doubts we have about ourselves, the greater our liking and appreciation for a person who likes us.''

''The less sure of them people are, the more they need love and respect, and more likely they are to be attracted to people who offer those rewards.''

''The only way to avoid abusive relationships for women who was abused as a child is to avoid people she is extremely attracted to.''

''The unconscious romantic choise is a wise one because it directs people to choose the person most appropriate to helping them master an unresolved childhood issue.

''Unconscious forces more than logical considerations dictate with whom we fall in love.''


''Is very important to us that we feel we are getting someone we deserve.''

Dale Carnegie - How to win friends & Influence people

This is kind of a book everyone should read it. It has a lot of stories and examples to prove you the stated principles are working.The most important principles that I have selected from this book


1. Don`t criticize, condemn or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. 
The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want. People are starving for a desire to feel important.
''I'm hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.''

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
''If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other's person point of view, and see things from that person's angle, as well as from your own.'' ( Henry Ford )
''So, if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that others persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.''

4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
''Actions seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and maybe regulating the act, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.'' (William James)
''There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.'' (William Shakespeare)

5. Smile

6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

8. Talk in therms of the other person's interests.
'' The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.''
'' Every man I met is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.'' (Emerson)

9. Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely.

10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
'' A man convinced against his will is the same opinion still.''

11. Show respect for other person's opinions. Never say, ''You're wrong.''
'' The only things I know and that is that I know nothing.'' (Socrates)

12. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
''Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking.''
''By fighting you neever get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.''

13. Begin in a friendly way.
''A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.'' (Lincoln)

14. Get the other person saying ''yes, yes'' immediately.
''He who treads softly goes far.'' (Chinese proverb)

15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
''If you want enemies, excel your friends, but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.'' (La Rochefoucould)

16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or her.
''In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienatd majesty.'' (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

17. Try honestly to see things frm the other person's point of view.

18. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
''If you're satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change ? If you're not satisfied, why not experiment ?''

20. Dramatize your ideas.

21. Thrown down a challenge.
'' The one major fact that motivated people its work itself. If the work was exciting aand interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a great job. That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.''

22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. ( If you must find fault, this is the way to bgin)
'' It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.''

23. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly (How to criticize and not be hated for it).
''This could be easily overcome by changing the word ''but'' to ''and''.

24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

26. Let the other person save face.
''I have no right to say or to do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.'' (Antoine de Saint'Exupery)

27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ''Hearty'' in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
''Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit, we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunchine of praise.'' (Jess Lair)

28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
''Assume a virtue, if you have it not.'' (William Shakespeare)

29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
''Be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it - and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.''

30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
''When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.''

''The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experinces behind you.''

How to tell if he's a sport fish or a keeper

Are you wondering what your guy that you're dating are looking for ? His actions don't match his words ? You end up mostly of time confused about he's into you or not or you just don't know how to read off his actions ? Well, Steve Harvey in his book ''Think like a man, act like a lady'' is clarifying this crew.

How to tell if he is a sport fish or a keeper:

     1. If his conversation with you is extremely superficial, and never seems to graduate beyond the surface,;he's sport fishing; if he genuinely seems interested in your needs, life, desires, and future, then he's looking for a keeper.

     2. If he laughs off your requirements and standards, then he's sport fishing; if he seems willing to abide by your rules,and actually follows through on them, then he's looking for a keeper.

     3. If he takes your phone number but waits longer than twenty-four hours to call, he's sport fishing; if he calls you right away, he's showing that he's genuinely interested in you, and is most likely looking for a keeper.

     4. If he takes you out on a date and lets you pay, or only kicks in his portion of the bill, he's sport fishing;if he pays the bill, he's showing that he's willing to provide for you, which means he's likely looking for a keeper.

     5. If he tells you he’s going to be somewhere at a certain time, and he consistenly shows up late without so much as the courtesy of a phone call, he's probably sport fishing; if he shows up when he's supposed to, he's looking for a keeper.

     6. If you never meet his friends, family, co-workers, or other people who are important to him, he's sport fishing; if he introduces you to his people, he might be looking for a keeper.

     7. If he keeps offering up excuses for why he can’t meet your friends and familly; he's sport fishing; if he agrees to go to the family barbecue or a social event where he will be ntroduced to family, friends, and co-workers, he might consider you a keeper.

     8. If he cringes at the mere mention of children, he’s sport fishing; if he's willing to meet your kids and shows up with gifts and can relate to them in a way that makes them comfortable with him, then he might consider you cand your kids keepers.

      9. If he does not have himself together financially, emotionally, and spiritually, he may be sport fishing; if he is capable of providing and protecting his potential family the way a real mal should, then he may be searching for a keeper.

     10. If he lobbies for an “open” relationship and says he’s cool with you seeing other people, then he's sport fishing; if he wants your relationship to be exclusive and he agrees to date only you, he considers you a keeper.

Think like a Man, Act like a Lady - Steve Harvey

I recognize I've started to read this book after I have broken up with my ex-lover. You know how men make fun of the women's way too complicated to be but this is similar to us, women, when it comes to understand men. They are hard to understand sometimes, why they do what they do. Steve Harvey offers to us, women, some very good insights from a man's perspective and as long as you're reading, you could figure out that he's right in the main.

What you have to pay attention from this book:

''Men are simple. They are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make.
And until he’s achieved his goal in those three areas, the man you're dating, commited to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.''

''Even more, we want to feel like we're number one. We want to be the Best somewhere. In charge. We know we're not going to be head man in every situation, but somewhere in our lives, we're going to be the one everyone answers to because it's that important to us.''

''A man's love is different-much more simple, direct, and probably a little harder to come by.''

''A man who professes you as his own is also saying in not so many words that he's claiming you-that you are his. If he introduces you as his “friend,” or by your name, have no doubt that's all you are. He doesn't think any more of you than that.''

''Once you've claimed you, and you've returned the honor, we're going to start bringing home the bacon. This is the very core of the manhood- to be the provider.''

''And if a man can't provide, the he doesn't feel like a man, so he flees to escape the horrible feelings of inadequacy, or he's going to bury those feelings in drugs and alcohol.''

''.. a man, a real one, anyway - want to feel needed. And the easiest way to help him get that high is to let him provide for you. This is only fair.''

''Once he says he cares about you, you are a prized possesion to him, he will do anything to protect that prized possesion.''

''The three things every men needs are: support, loyalty, and cookie.''
''we need to talk'' make men run for cover''

''A man always wants somethings. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: 1) if you're willing to sleep with him, and 2) If you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him. He's trying to see if your ''price'' is too high, if it's affordable, if he can gets it on credit, wheter he can get it tonight. If you don't lay out any requirements, then you're free- game on. He knows he can get you to the bed with minimal effort. But if you tell him up front you have requirements - you need his time, his respect, his attention - then he knows you're expensive, that he's going to need to put in work to get the cookie.''

''If you let him know up front, he will let you know up front if it's too high a price for him to pay. And then you can move on.''

''Men cheat because they... can. Because they think they can get away with it. Because he hasn't become who and needs to be or found who he truly wants. Because what's happening at home isnt ''happening'' like it used to. And the biggest reason of all: There is always a woman out there willing to cheat with him.''

''Men are very simple, logical people; if you tell us what you like and what you don't like, we'll do anything we can to make sure we live up to your expectations, particularly if we're interested in forging a relationship with you.(But beware of telling a man everything you like when you first meet... )''


The five questions every woman should ask before she gets in too deep:

 1) What are your short-term goals ?

''You should also be figuring out if you see yourself in that short-term plan, if you know what his plan is, you can immediately assess if you want to be part of it and what role you can play in it, or if you need to remove yourself from that equation.
And if he doesn’t have a plan, he’s not going to achieve his short-term goal- or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind.''

2)What are your long-term goals ?

If he says something silly like '' I'm just trying to make it day by day '', run.
If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. Immediately.

3)What are your views on relationships ?

Ask him about his mother, his father. If he had a good relationships with their parents, ''then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential familly, too.''
Ask him about his relationship with God. If he hasn't ''What’s going to make him even consider being loyal to you?''

4) What do you think about me ?

Listen to his answer closely. Every man will answer this question the same exact way. ''I think you're great, I think you'd make a great mom, you're fun, kind, reaally beautiful, you turn me on, you're energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with,'' all of that generic stuff we know you want to hear. Still, this isn't the answer you should be looking for. You want specifics. You want to know that he's really thought about you beyond the surface. So do follow-ups. '' Oh, you think I'm kind ? What about me makes you think I'm kind ?'' Then sit back and listen. If he can't give you a concrete exemple of how you've shown your kindness, he's not really thinking about you beyond the surface.''

5) How do you feel about me ?

''Now this is not to be confused with what do you “think” about me----''think'' and ''feel'' and two wholly different things.''
And if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it's because he doesn't feel anything for you---he just want something.''

If you’re already in a relationship with someone, these questions are still valid if you don't know the answers. You can ask them for clarification.

''Your man hasn’t asked you to marry him because of one or more of the following reasons: 1)he is still married to someone else; 2) you're really not the one he wants; or the real answer you don't want to hear, 3) you haven't requirred him to marry you or set a date.''

The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

Another good book written by Don Miguel Ruiz, the master in the Toltec culture teach us four agreements. He said that we made in our life many agreements, but the most important agreements are the ones you made with yourself. These agreements will define your personality because you say who you are, what you feel, what you believe, how you behave.
So, if we want to live a life full of joy and fulfillment, we must break those agreements that are based on fear and embrace those agreements that comes from love.
Let's see the four agreements:


  1. BE IMPECCABILE WITH YOUR WORD

''Why your word ? Your word is the power that you have to create. What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word.''
'' The word is not just a sound, the word is force!''
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Don't use the word against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
''Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; there are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be victim of needless suffering.''

3. DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
''The problem with assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST 
''Your best will depend on whether you are feeling happy and wonderful, or upset, angry or jealous. Regardless of the quality, keep doing your best - no more and no less than your best. Under any circumstaces, if you simply do your best, you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.''

The Mastery of Love - Don Miguel Ruiz

This book could be considerated a guide to the art of relationship. Don Miguel Ruiz (born 1952, 27 august) is a mexican author and a master of the toltec mystery school tradition. Toltec means ''women and men of knowledge''. Though it is not a religion, it honors all the spiritual masters who have taught on the earth. It is described as a way of life, distinguished by the ready accessibility of happiness and love.

The most important parts to memorize from this book:

• ''We are masters because we have the power to create and to rule our own lives.'' .. The way we think, the way we feel and the way we behave become so routine that we no longer need to put our attention on what are we doing. It is just by reaction-action that we act a certain way.''

• '' To become masters of love, we have to practice love. The only way to reach mastery is with practice.'' The happiest moment in our lives are when we are playing just like children, when we are singing and dancing, when we are exploring and creating just for fun. ''
• ''We need to hear the opinions of others because we are domesticated and we can be manipulated by those opinions. That is why we seek recognition from other people;''
• '' Shyness is the fear of expressing yourself. You may believe you don't know how to dance or how to sing, but this is just repression of the normal human instinct to express love.''
• '' Your whole life is nothing but a dream. You live in a fantasy where everything you know about yourself is only true for you.''
• '' Love is unconditional. Fear is full of conditions. In the track of fear, I love you if you let me control you, if you are good to me, if you fit into the image I make for you.''
• '' To master a relationship is all about you. The first step is to become aware, to know that everyone dreams his own dream. Once you know this, you can be responsible for your half of relationship, which is you.''
• ''Almost everything in this world of illusion is a lie. That is why I ask my apprentice to follow three rules for seeing what is true. The first rule is: Don't believe me. (Believe what makes sense for you, if it makes you happy.). Rule nr2: Don't believe yourself. ( Don't believe yourself when you said you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not intelligent enough. Don't believe you're unworthy of love.). Rule nr3: Don't believe anyone else. (By not believing whatever is untrue will dissapear like smoke in this world of illusion. Everything is what it is.)''
• '' Heaven or hell is here and now. You don't need to wait to die. If you take responsability for your own life, for your own actions, then your future is in your hands and you can live in heaven while the body is alive.''

The story of the man who didn't believe in love

He was an ordinary man just like me and you, but what made this man special was his way of thinking: He thought love doesn't exist. Of course, he had a lot of experience tryind to find love and he had observed the people around him. Much of his life had been spent searching for love, only to find that love doesn't exist. 

Wherever this man went, he used to tell people that love is nothing but an invention of the poets, an invention of religions just to manipulate the weak mind of humans, to have control over humans, to make them believe. He said that love is not real, and that's why no human could ever find love even though he might look for it.

This man was highly intelligent, and he was very convincing. .. What he said is that love is just like a drug; it  make you very high, but it creates a strong need. You can become highly addicted to love, but what happens when you don't receive your daily doses of love ? Just like a drug, you need your everyday doses.

He used to say that most relationship between lovers are just like a relationship between a drug addict and the one who provides the drugs. The one who has the biggest need is like the drug addict; the one who has a little need is the provider. The provider controls the whole relationship. You can see this dynamic so clearly because usually in every relationship there is one who loves the most and the other who doesn't love, who only takes advantage of the one who gives his or her heart. You can see the way they manipulate each other, their actions and reactions, and they are just like the provider and the drug addict.

The drug addict, the one who has the biggest need, lives in the constant fear that perhaps he will not be able to get the next dosage of love, or the drug. The drug addict thinks ''What I am going to do if she, he leaves me ?'' That fear makes the drug addict very possesive. ''That's mine!''. The addict becomes jealous and demanding because of the fear of not having the next dosage. The provider can control and manipulate the one who needs the drug by giving more doses, fewer doses, or not doses at all. The one who has the biggest need completely surrenders and will do whatever he can to avoid being abandoned.

The man went on explaining to everyone why love doesn't exist. ''What humans calls love'' is nothing but a fear relationship based on control. ...

He used to claim that he saw many old couples that had lived together thirty year, forty, fifty years..and they were so proud to have lived together all those years. But when they talked about their relationship, what they said was: ''We survived the matrimony.'' That means one of them surrendered to the other; at a certain time, she gave up and decided to endure the suffering. The one with the strongest will and less need won the war, but where is that flame they call love ? The treat each other like a possesion.'' She's mine.'' ''He's mine.''

... `Then one day this man was walking in a park and there on a bench was a beautiful lady who was crying. When he saw her crying, he felt curiosity. Sitting beside her, he asked if he could help her. He asked why she was crying. You can imagine his surprise when she told him she was crying because love doesn't exist. He said: '' This is amazing - a woman who believe the love doesn't exist!'' Of course, he wanted to know more about her.

''Why do you say that love doesnt exist ?'' he asked. ''Well, its a long story'', she replied. '' I married when i was very young, with all the love, with all the illussions, full of hope that I would share my life with this man. But soon everything changed. .. He lost respect for me, and I lost respect for him. We hurt each other, and at a  certain point I discovered that I didnt love him and he didn't love me either.

'' But the children needed a father, and that was my excuse to stay and to do whatever I couldd to support him. Now the children are grown and they have left. I no longer have any excuse to stay with him. There's no respect, there's no kindness. I know that even If I find someone else, is going to be the same, because love doesn't exist. There is no sense to look around for something that doesn't exist. That si why I'm crying.''

... They were so much alike, and they became the best friends ever. It was a wonderful relationship. One day when the man was out of the town, he had the weirdest idea. He was thinking, '' Hm, maybe what I feel for her is love. But this is so different from what I have ever felt before. Is not what poets say it is, it's not what religions say, because Im not responsible for her. I don't take anything from her; I don't have the need for her to take care of me; I don't need to blame her for my difficulties or to take my dramas to her. We have the best time together, we enjoy each other. I respect the way she thinks, the way she feels. She doesn't embarass me, she doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel jealous when she's with other people; I don't feel envy when she's successful. Perhaps love does exist, but is not what everyone think love is.''

He could hardly wait to go home and talk to her, to let her know about his weird idea. As soon as he started talking, she said: ''I know exactly what you are talking about. I had the same idea long ago, but I didn't want to share with you becaause I know you don't believe in love.''

They decided to become lovers and to live together, and it was amazing that things didn't change.

The man's heart was so full with all the love he felt that one night a great miracle happened. He was looking at the stars and he found the most beautiful one, and his love was so big that the star started coming down from the sky and soon that star was in his hands. Then a second miracle happened, and his soul merged with that star. He was intensely happy, and he could hardly wait to go to the woman and put the star in her hands to prove his love to her. As soon as he put the star in her hands, she felt a moment of doubt. This love was overwhelming, and in that moment, the star fell from her hands and broke in a million little pieces.

Now there is an old man walking around the world swearing that love doesn't exist. And there is a beautiful old woman at home waiting for a man, shedding a tear for a paradis that once she had in her hands, but for one moment of doubt, she let it go. This is the story about the man who didn't believe in love.

The moral: '' The mistake was in man's part in thinking he could give the woman his happiness. The star was his happiness, and the mistake was to put his happiness in her hands. Happiness never comes from outside of us. He was happy because of the love coming out of him; she was happy because of the love coming out of her. But as soon as he made her responsible for his happiness, she broke the star because she could not be responsible for his happiness. No matter how much the woman loved him, she could never make him happy because she could never know what he had in his mind. She could never know what his expectations were, because she could not know his dreams.''

Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo - He's just not that into you

There are books which opens our eyes and there are books which make us to understand what was obviously right there in front of us but from different reasons, we didn't care or believe too much what thats meaning and how important is for us. To have a clear picture of our relationship.
This book is addressed generally to women who just don't believe or don't accept that a guy is just not that into them despite of his louder actions or behaviour. Instead of listening to it, what many women do? They try to find excuses for their unsatisfied situations ! They refuse to see the explicit truth that lying in theirs face so they try even harder to get men's attention.
It's very funny to notice that the simple thought of '' he's just not that into you'' is the last to take into consideration. How selfish and stiff necks we could be ! To keep it short, if you're confused with a guy that send you mixed messages, then you may to conclude that he's just not that into you.



This book is easy to read, likable, Greg has a humorous way to tell you the nasty truth.

I really encourage you to don't believe everything you read, but when it comes to relationships, your time and your happiness, it's really helpful to pick up on these lessons given by experienced authors. You may be the exception of all the rules, but if not, are you willing to assume such a huge risk of climbing mountains without equipment ?

Now, as I usually like to do, I chose parts or key phrases from the original book

• '' If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.''

• '' Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a fuck buddy situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.''

•  '' He's just not that into you if - He's not asking you out - »« '' Don't let him trick you into asking him out.When men want you, they do the work.'' »«

• '' If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know immediately. He won't keep you guessing, because he want to make sure you don't gest frustrated and go away. ''

• '' When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be. I know it's an infuriating concept-that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you.''

• '' If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's not calling you - »« '' If a guy you're dating doesn't call when he says he's going to, why should that be such a big deal ? Because you should be dating a man who's at least as good as his word.'' »«

• '' Men are cowards and they would rather wait until the end of time than give you bad news. For the record, a man who likes you wants to spend time with you.''
• '' Men are never too busy to get what they want.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's not dating you - »« '' Men, just like women, want to feel emotionally protected when a relationship starts to became serious. One way they do that is by laying claim to it. They actually want to say Im your boyfriend or I'd like to be your boyfriend.'' »«

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's not having sex with you - »« '' When men like you, they want to touch you, always. '' »«

• '' If a man is into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy. He may run and get his butt into therapy if there's some serious problem, but he'll never keep you in the dark.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's having sex with someone else - »« If he's sleping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he's not only behaving like a man who's just not that into you, he's behaving like a man who doesn't even like you all that much. '' »«

• '' Cheating is bad. Not knowing why you cheated is even worse. Don't date any man who doesn't know why he does things.'' '' Cheating gets easier everytime it's done.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He only wants to see you when he's drunk'' - »« It ain't love, it's sport. Bad boys are actually bad.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He doesn't want to marry you - »« '' Doesn't want to get married and doesn't want to get married to me are very different things. Be sure about which category he falls under.'' »«

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's breaking up with you - »« '' Guys don't do it if they can't live without you: they don't break up with you.''; ''These guys are able to exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.'' »«

• '' Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. :) ''
• '' Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It may be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to remember it oh-my-god-the-sex?-was-so-good-we?got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after-sex.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's disappeared on you - »« ''He might be lying in hospital with amnesia, but more likely he's just not that into you. No answer is no answer. Don't give him the chance to reject you again.'' »«

• '' Write the guy a really, really long letter, asking him every question you need to. Say everything you want to say. Call him all the names you feel like. Say something mean about his mother. And then- you guessed it- just rip it up.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's married (and other insane variations of being unavailable) - »« '' No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.'' »«

• '' You're still helping a man cheat on his wife. Let's agree you're better than that.''
• ''  If a guy is yelling about his ex'wife or crying over his last girlfriend, try to find someone else to take you to the movies.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He is a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak - »« '' If you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy.'' »«

• ''There's never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent danger. You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. (You have to be nice, too).''
• '' You're exceptional, but not the exception. Thinking of yourself as the exception is what got you into the mess in the first place.''