Dale Carnegie - How to win friends & Influence people

This is kind of a book everyone should read it. It has a lot of stories and examples to prove you the stated principles are working.The most important principles that I have selected from this book


1. Don`t criticize, condemn or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. 
The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want. People are starving for a desire to feel important.
''I'm hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.''

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
''If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other's person point of view, and see things from that person's angle, as well as from your own.'' ( Henry Ford )
''So, if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that others persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.''

4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
''Actions seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and maybe regulating the act, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.'' (William James)
''There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.'' (William Shakespeare)

5. Smile

6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

8. Talk in therms of the other person's interests.
'' The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.''
'' Every man I met is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.'' (Emerson)

9. Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely.

10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
'' A man convinced against his will is the same opinion still.''

11. Show respect for other person's opinions. Never say, ''You're wrong.''
'' The only things I know and that is that I know nothing.'' (Socrates)

12. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
''Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking.''
''By fighting you neever get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.''

13. Begin in a friendly way.
''A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.'' (Lincoln)

14. Get the other person saying ''yes, yes'' immediately.
''He who treads softly goes far.'' (Chinese proverb)

15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
''If you want enemies, excel your friends, but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.'' (La Rochefoucould)

16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or her.
''In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienatd majesty.'' (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

17. Try honestly to see things frm the other person's point of view.

18. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
''If you're satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change ? If you're not satisfied, why not experiment ?''

20. Dramatize your ideas.

21. Thrown down a challenge.
'' The one major fact that motivated people its work itself. If the work was exciting aand interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a great job. That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.''

22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. ( If you must find fault, this is the way to bgin)
'' It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.''

23. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly (How to criticize and not be hated for it).
''This could be easily overcome by changing the word ''but'' to ''and''.

24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

26. Let the other person save face.
''I have no right to say or to do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.'' (Antoine de Saint'Exupery)

27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ''Hearty'' in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
''Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit, we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunchine of praise.'' (Jess Lair)

28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
''Assume a virtue, if you have it not.'' (William Shakespeare)

29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
''Be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it - and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.''

30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
''When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.''

''The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experinces behind you.''