Dale Carnegie - How to win friends & Influence people

This is kind of a book everyone should read it. It has a lot of stories and examples to prove you the stated principles are working.The most important principles that I have selected from this book


1. Don`t criticize, condemn or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. 
The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want. People are starving for a desire to feel important.
''I'm hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.''

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
''If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other's person point of view, and see things from that person's angle, as well as from your own.'' ( Henry Ford )
''So, if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that others persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.''

4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
''Actions seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and maybe regulating the act, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.'' (William James)
''There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.'' (William Shakespeare)

5. Smile

6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

8. Talk in therms of the other person's interests.
'' The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.''
'' Every man I met is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.'' (Emerson)

9. Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely.

10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
'' A man convinced against his will is the same opinion still.''

11. Show respect for other person's opinions. Never say, ''You're wrong.''
'' The only things I know and that is that I know nothing.'' (Socrates)

12. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
''Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking.''
''By fighting you neever get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.''

13. Begin in a friendly way.
''A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.'' (Lincoln)

14. Get the other person saying ''yes, yes'' immediately.
''He who treads softly goes far.'' (Chinese proverb)

15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
''If you want enemies, excel your friends, but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.'' (La Rochefoucould)

16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or her.
''In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienatd majesty.'' (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

17. Try honestly to see things frm the other person's point of view.

18. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

19. Appeal to the nobler motives.
''If you're satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change ? If you're not satisfied, why not experiment ?''

20. Dramatize your ideas.

21. Thrown down a challenge.
'' The one major fact that motivated people its work itself. If the work was exciting aand interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a great job. That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.''

22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. ( If you must find fault, this is the way to bgin)
'' It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.''

23. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly (How to criticize and not be hated for it).
''This could be easily overcome by changing the word ''but'' to ''and''.

24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

26. Let the other person save face.
''I have no right to say or to do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.'' (Antoine de Saint'Exupery)

27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ''Hearty'' in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
''Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit, we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunchine of praise.'' (Jess Lair)

28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
''Assume a virtue, if you have it not.'' (William Shakespeare)

29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
''Be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it - and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.''

30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
''When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.''

''The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experinces behind you.''

Think like a Man, Act like a Lady - Steve Harvey

I recognize I've started to read this book after I have broken up with my ex-lover. You know how men make fun of the women's way too complicated to be but this is similar to us, women, when it comes to understand men. They are hard to understand sometimes, why they do what they do. Steve Harvey offers to us, women, some very good insights from a man's perspective and as long as you're reading, you could figure out that he's right in the main.

What you have to pay attention from this book:

''Men are simple. They are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make.
And until he’s achieved his goal in those three areas, the man you're dating, commited to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.''

''Even more, we want to feel like we're number one. We want to be the Best somewhere. In charge. We know we're not going to be head man in every situation, but somewhere in our lives, we're going to be the one everyone answers to because it's that important to us.''

''A man's love is different-much more simple, direct, and probably a little harder to come by.''

''A man who professes you as his own is also saying in not so many words that he's claiming you-that you are his. If he introduces you as his “friend,” or by your name, have no doubt that's all you are. He doesn't think any more of you than that.''

''Once you've claimed you, and you've returned the honor, we're going to start bringing home the bacon. This is the very core of the manhood- to be the provider.''

''And if a man can't provide, the he doesn't feel like a man, so he flees to escape the horrible feelings of inadequacy, or he's going to bury those feelings in drugs and alcohol.''

''.. a man, a real one, anyway - want to feel needed. And the easiest way to help him get that high is to let him provide for you. This is only fair.''

''Once he says he cares about you, you are a prized possesion to him, he will do anything to protect that prized possesion.''

''The three things every men needs are: support, loyalty, and cookie.''
''we need to talk'' make men run for cover''

''A man always wants somethings. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: 1) if you're willing to sleep with him, and 2) If you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him. He's trying to see if your ''price'' is too high, if it's affordable, if he can gets it on credit, wheter he can get it tonight. If you don't lay out any requirements, then you're free- game on. He knows he can get you to the bed with minimal effort. But if you tell him up front you have requirements - you need his time, his respect, his attention - then he knows you're expensive, that he's going to need to put in work to get the cookie.''

''If you let him know up front, he will let you know up front if it's too high a price for him to pay. And then you can move on.''

''Men cheat because they... can. Because they think they can get away with it. Because he hasn't become who and needs to be or found who he truly wants. Because what's happening at home isnt ''happening'' like it used to. And the biggest reason of all: There is always a woman out there willing to cheat with him.''

''Men are very simple, logical people; if you tell us what you like and what you don't like, we'll do anything we can to make sure we live up to your expectations, particularly if we're interested in forging a relationship with you.(But beware of telling a man everything you like when you first meet... )''


The five questions every woman should ask before she gets in too deep:

 1) What are your short-term goals ?

''You should also be figuring out if you see yourself in that short-term plan, if you know what his plan is, you can immediately assess if you want to be part of it and what role you can play in it, or if you need to remove yourself from that equation.
And if he doesn’t have a plan, he’s not going to achieve his short-term goal- or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind.''

2)What are your long-term goals ?

If he says something silly like '' I'm just trying to make it day by day '', run.
If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. Immediately.

3)What are your views on relationships ?

Ask him about his mother, his father. If he had a good relationships with their parents, ''then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential familly, too.''
Ask him about his relationship with God. If he hasn't ''What’s going to make him even consider being loyal to you?''

4) What do you think about me ?

Listen to his answer closely. Every man will answer this question the same exact way. ''I think you're great, I think you'd make a great mom, you're fun, kind, reaally beautiful, you turn me on, you're energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with,'' all of that generic stuff we know you want to hear. Still, this isn't the answer you should be looking for. You want specifics. You want to know that he's really thought about you beyond the surface. So do follow-ups. '' Oh, you think I'm kind ? What about me makes you think I'm kind ?'' Then sit back and listen. If he can't give you a concrete exemple of how you've shown your kindness, he's not really thinking about you beyond the surface.''

5) How do you feel about me ?

''Now this is not to be confused with what do you “think” about me----''think'' and ''feel'' and two wholly different things.''
And if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it's because he doesn't feel anything for you---he just want something.''

If you’re already in a relationship with someone, these questions are still valid if you don't know the answers. You can ask them for clarification.

''Your man hasn’t asked you to marry him because of one or more of the following reasons: 1)he is still married to someone else; 2) you're really not the one he wants; or the real answer you don't want to hear, 3) you haven't requirred him to marry you or set a date.''