Why men love bitches by Sherry Argov

To be clear from the start, the author Sherry Argov say that being a BITCH means to be a Baby In Total Control of Herself. The woman which Sherry Argov describes is kind yet strong. She knows what she wants but won't compromise herself to get it. Is that woman who plays by her own rules, who has a feeling of confidence, freedom and empowerment. This book is appropriate for the too nice girls who give everything, overcompensate, without having a man to invest much in the relationship.
 Sherry Argov lists a number of 100 attraction's principles, I don't write them all:

1. Anything a person chase in life runs away.
2. The women who have the men climbing the walls for them arent always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don't appear to care that much.
3. Sometimes a man deliberately won't call, to see how you'll respond.
4. If you starts out dependent, it turns him off. But if it's something he can't have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it.
5. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.
6. Act like a prize and you'll turn him into a believer.
7. The biggest variable between a bitch and a women who is too nice is FEAR. The bitch shows that she's not afraid to be without him.
8. If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else.
9. When a woman doesn't give in easily and doesn't appear docile or submissive, it becomes more stimulating to obtain her.
10. Being right on the verge of getting something generates a desire that has to be satisfied.
11. A man knows which woman will give in in to last-minute requests.
12. Whether you have terms or conditions indicates whether you have options. Almost immediately, you present yourself as a doormat or a dreamgirl.
13. If you ssmoother him, he'll go into defense mode and look for an escape route to protect his freedom.
14. Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he'll resent it. Let him give what he wants freely; then observe who he is.
15. A bitch gives a man plenty of space so he doesn't fear being trapped in a cage. Then .. he sets out to trap her in his.
16. Always give the appearance that he has plenty of space. It gets him to drop his guard.
17. More than anything else, he watches to see if you'll be too emotionally dependent on him.
18. He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then he will perceive you as an equal partner.
19. If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he'll not perceive her as more beautiful, he'll also take time to appreciate who she is.
20. Sex and '' the spark'' are not the one and the same.
21. Before sex, a man isn't thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn't.
22. Every man wants to have sex first; whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, you become his girlfriend without him realizing it.
23. A man intuitively senses whether sexuality comes from a place of security or from a place of neediness. He knows when a woman is having sex to appease him.
24. If you pull the sexual plug at the last minute, he'll label you a tease.
25. If he makes you feel insecure, let your insecurity be your guide.
26. Any time a woman compete with another woman, she demeans herself. 
27. Let him think he's in control. He'll automatically start doing things you want done because he'll always want to look like a ''king'' in your eyes.
28. When you cater his ego in a soft way, he doesn't try to get power in a aggressive way.
29. When you appear softer and more feminine, you appeal to his instinct to protect. When you appear more aggressive, you appeal to his instinct to compete.
30. If you give him a feeling of power, he'll want to protect you and he'll want to give you the world.
31. Men don't respond to words. They respond to no contact.
32. Men respect women who communicate in a succint way, because it's the language men use to talk to one another.
33. When you are always happy; and he is always free to go; he feels lucky.
34. If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you'll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you'll start to expect and need more from your partner.
35. Most women are starving to recive something from a man that they need to give to themselves.
36. A woman looks more secure in a man's eyes when he can't pull her away from her life, because she is content with her life.
37. The second a woman works overtime to make herself fit his criteria, she has lowered the standard of that relationship.
38. You jump through hoops any time you repeatedly make it very obvious you're giving your ''all''.
39. Jumping through hoops often has a negative outcome: He sees it as an opportunity to have his cake and eat it, too. But when you stay just outside his reach, he'll stay on his best behaviour.
40. The nice girl gives away too much of herself when pleasing him regularly becomes more important than pleasing herself.
41. The relationship may not be right for you, if you find yourself jumping through hoops. When something is right, it will feel easier and much more effortless.
42. When you nag, he tunes you out. But when you speak with your actions, he pays attention.
43. When a man takes a woman for granted, he still looks for reassurance that she is still ''right there''.
44. When the routine becomes predictable, he's more likely to give you the same type of love he had for his mother -----and the odds that he will take you for granted increases.
45. Negative attention is still attention. It lets a man know that he has you ---- right where he wants you.
46. When you treats him casually as though he's a friend, he'll come your way. Because he wants things to be romantic, but he wants also to be the pursuer.
47. A little distance combined with the appearance of self'control makes him nervous that he may be losing you.
48. A man takes a woman for granted when he's interested, but will no longer go out of his way.
49. When you nag, you become the problem, and he deals with it by tuning you out. But when you dont nag, he deals with the problem.
50. If you take his chores away from him and praise someone else for doing it, he'll want his chores back.
51. When you nag, he sees weakness.
52. He perceives an emotional woman as more of a pushover.
53. In the same way that familiarity breeds contempt, a slightly aloof demeanor can often renew his respect.
54. He'll forget what he has in you .. unless you remind him.
55. Many women talk a lot out of nervousness --- which is something that men will often perceive as insecurity.
56. Talking about feelings to a man will feel like a work. When he's with a woman, he wants it to feel like fun.
57. Forcing him to talk about feelings all the time will not only make you seem needy, it will eventually make him lose respect. And when he loses respect, he'll pay even less attention to your feelings.
58. In the beginning, the only thing you need to pay attention to is whether he keeps coming around, becaus he'll only be able to suspend or hide his emotions for so long.
59. Men treat women the way they treat other men. They '' play it cool '' because they don't want to appear weak or desperate.
60. Don't always do the same thing over and over in the bedroom. Vary it so that it doesn't become a predictable routine.
61. Most men tend to disrespect a woman who appears to be too malleable.
62. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. It will not only earn his respect, in some cases it will even turn him on.
63. When a man falls in love, suddenly he'll go out of his way and think nothing of it. He'll do things for this woman he wouldn't have done for anyone else.
64. He'll never respect you as being able to hold your own unless you can stand on your own two feet financially.
65. You have to show that you won't accept mistreatment. Then you will keep his respect.
66. When a man views a woman as a ''little girl'' or a sister he has to take care of, the passion diminishes. He doesn't want to make love to his sister.
67. The ability to choose how you want to live, and the ability to choose how you want to be treated are two things that give you more power thhan any material object ever will.
68. In a relationship of any kind, if one person feels the other person isn't bringing anything to the table, he or she will begin to disrespect that person.
69. Regardless of how pretty a woman is, looks alone will not sustain his respect. Appearance may pull him in, but it is your independence that will keep him turned on.
70. Don't give a reward for bad behavior.
71. Often the best way to adjust or fix a problem is by not letting him it's being fixed. When you alter your availability or change a predictable routine, it will mentally pull him back in.
72. A ''yes'' woman who gives too much sends the impression that she believes in the man more than she believes in herself. Men view this as weakness not kindness.
73. The most attractive quality of all is dignity.

I've skip one of them.

Falling in Love * Why we choose the lovers we choose * by Ayala Malach Pines

This book was for me a fresh breath of air. I devorated it instantly. I would wish I have found it earlier because it is such a knowledgeble book. Yet I always asked myself why I choose the same pattern of men in my dating relationship, this book clear up some points.
Falling in love constitutes one of the most emotionally intense, exciting, exhilariting, and significant of life's experiences. Falling in love is being high above the clouds. Love is standing firmly on the ground.

I love that at the end of every chapter, you can find tips for finding your romantic love. Also, we can find why so many people are attracted to people who don't reciprocate their love and cause them pain.
How do people fall in love with each other ? Ayala said that exist some situational variables as proximity and arousal that encourage and enhance the falling in love. But that is not all. What do we attract us in first stage ? The physical appearance is an important selection criterion, mostly for men. Once a person passed successfully the stage one (physical appearance), can proceed to stage two, where other selection criteria need to be passed in order to proceed to stage three. For many men the initial attraction is very important because that makes them to listen to the women they are attracted to, and be more attentive. For many women, the listening, the attention, the support make them fall in lovee !
''To put it more bluntly, for many men, the physical attraction caused the relationship; for many women, the relationship caused the physical attraction.''

Ayala said based on many clinical researches that love is not really blind. We don't fall in love by accident or by chance. We choose not only conscious but also unconscious ours lovers.

In this book, we will read clinical researches about the differences between people who avoid love, who cling to it, who find it easily and feel secure in the relationship. Also, we're going to read about the internal romantic image, that determines those with whom we choose to fall in love and explain, why.
Another precious part brings up to surface the benefits of a relationship: is the best place for us to grow as individuals, because seeming errors can be turned into opportunities for our evolution.

Rollo May, the american psychologist reveals the distinction between romantic love (as Eros) and sex. He said ''sex is need'', whereas ''Eros is desire.'''' Eros is a mode of relationg to others; in eros, we don't seek the release of sex, but seek rather to cultivate, procreate, and form the world.''

According to Scott Peck, another american psychiatrist said that ''falling in love is not real because it is not an act of will: it is efortless.'' The clearest proof lies in the annoying observation that ''lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones.''

For people who are not religious, falling in love can be seen such as a ''divine'' experience.
What do we tend to choose at our partners ? Similarity traits or people differents from ourselves ? ''Despite the evidence for the rewards obtained from people to whom we are different, the lion's share of the research on attraction indicates that similarity has far greater influence.''
Now is arising another question: What's the meaning of this, why some people choose people with similar traits and why others choose different partners from themselves ? This has to do with self-acceptance. Zehava Solomon (1986) discovered that ''people with high levels of self-acceptance chose parteners whom they perceived as similar to themselves, whereas people with low levels of self-acceptance chose partners whom they viewed as different from themselves.''

Wisdom pieces selected from the book:

''The lovers we choose share with us a similar level of attractiveness.''
''Similarity in attractiveness ensures greater satisfaction in a relationship - and greater succes for the relationship - than does involvement with a person of unusual beauty.''

''The most attractive thing about a rmantic partner is the fact that he or she first found them attractive.''

''Beauty is subiective.'' Some men and women can look more beautiful to some people than to others.'' Beauty doesn't guarantee succeding in a relationship or finding the best marriage.''
Beauty and character influence each other and both influence us.
Men prefere women with low waist-to hip ratio and large breasts. Why ? Men links these features to fertility and health.
''Beauty does not guarantee happiness. While attractive people can be more popular and tend to have better social skills, they are not more self-confident. Beautiful people are concerning to think that they are liked for their looks and not for who they are.''

''Not only can someone who appears attractive to us, appear very unacttractive to others but our perception can change in reaction to things that have nothing to do with appearance.''

''People we learn to love look more attractive to us than they did initially, whereas people we learn to despise can come to look ugly.''

People with traits like warmth, sensivity, sense of humour are more likely to find parteners. Mutual attraction is very important in order to have a relationship and when people are feeling good they are more open to love.

''While men emphasize physical attractiveness, women more often look for social and economic status, ambition, strong character, and intelligence in a potential mate.''

''When we perceive people as attractive - because of their appearances or personalities - we expect them to behave in ways that characterize attractive people. These expectations, in turn, encourage behaviours that make our expectations come true.''

''Our behaviour influences the people around us. If a woman treats a man like the most caring and generous man on earth, she is going to help bring out more of his generosity.''

''We need to develop a strong sense of ourselves and know who we are before we can develop true intimiate relationship.'' Self-confidence influences our ability to give and receive love.

''People without well-developed senses of identity are afraid of intimacy because they are terrified of being engulfed and losing themselves in relationships.'' ... -''When people with a low sense of identity fall
in love, their feelings are unusually intense, overwhelm them, and cause obsessive, tumultuous loves.''

Practice self-actualization, a constant effort to grow, to develop your inherent talents and capabilities.

''Like Narcissus, many people are attracted to their reflection that is  other people who share the same characteristics. People choose them who are similar to them in levels of intelligence and personality. Introverts choose introverts and extroverts prefer extroverts.''

'Exemple:'' It would be very difficult for a liberal democrat to continue dating a racist fascist.. haha ''

''People who are similar to us—in attitudes, personality, physical appearance, and background - seem familiar. And as we know, the familiar is more comfortable and pleasant to us than the unfamiliar.''


''Differences can be more exciting than similarities. We are more likely to learn something new and valuable.''

''Often the pretenders begins to love truly and ends by becoming what he feigned to be.'' (Ars Amatoria)

''While women tend to be more cautious during the courtship stage, men fall in love faster and stronger. In the move from courtship to commited relationship women tend to move faster and men caution.''

''The greater the insecurity and doubts we have about ourselves, the greater our liking and appreciation for a person who likes us.''

''The less sure of them people are, the more they need love and respect, and more likely they are to be attracted to people who offer those rewards.''

''The only way to avoid abusive relationships for women who was abused as a child is to avoid people she is extremely attracted to.''

''The unconscious romantic choise is a wise one because it directs people to choose the person most appropriate to helping them master an unresolved childhood issue.

''Unconscious forces more than logical considerations dictate with whom we fall in love.''


''Is very important to us that we feel we are getting someone we deserve.''

Think like a Man, Act like a Lady - Steve Harvey

I recognize I've started to read this book after I have broken up with my ex-lover. You know how men make fun of the women's way too complicated to be but this is similar to us, women, when it comes to understand men. They are hard to understand sometimes, why they do what they do. Steve Harvey offers to us, women, some very good insights from a man's perspective and as long as you're reading, you could figure out that he's right in the main.

What you have to pay attention from this book:

''Men are simple. They are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make.
And until he’s achieved his goal in those three areas, the man you're dating, commited to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.''

''Even more, we want to feel like we're number one. We want to be the Best somewhere. In charge. We know we're not going to be head man in every situation, but somewhere in our lives, we're going to be the one everyone answers to because it's that important to us.''

''A man's love is different-much more simple, direct, and probably a little harder to come by.''

''A man who professes you as his own is also saying in not so many words that he's claiming you-that you are his. If he introduces you as his “friend,” or by your name, have no doubt that's all you are. He doesn't think any more of you than that.''

''Once you've claimed you, and you've returned the honor, we're going to start bringing home the bacon. This is the very core of the manhood- to be the provider.''

''And if a man can't provide, the he doesn't feel like a man, so he flees to escape the horrible feelings of inadequacy, or he's going to bury those feelings in drugs and alcohol.''

''.. a man, a real one, anyway - want to feel needed. And the easiest way to help him get that high is to let him provide for you. This is only fair.''

''Once he says he cares about you, you are a prized possesion to him, he will do anything to protect that prized possesion.''

''The three things every men needs are: support, loyalty, and cookie.''
''we need to talk'' make men run for cover''

''A man always wants somethings. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: 1) if you're willing to sleep with him, and 2) If you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him. He's trying to see if your ''price'' is too high, if it's affordable, if he can gets it on credit, wheter he can get it tonight. If you don't lay out any requirements, then you're free- game on. He knows he can get you to the bed with minimal effort. But if you tell him up front you have requirements - you need his time, his respect, his attention - then he knows you're expensive, that he's going to need to put in work to get the cookie.''

''If you let him know up front, he will let you know up front if it's too high a price for him to pay. And then you can move on.''

''Men cheat because they... can. Because they think they can get away with it. Because he hasn't become who and needs to be or found who he truly wants. Because what's happening at home isnt ''happening'' like it used to. And the biggest reason of all: There is always a woman out there willing to cheat with him.''

''Men are very simple, logical people; if you tell us what you like and what you don't like, we'll do anything we can to make sure we live up to your expectations, particularly if we're interested in forging a relationship with you.(But beware of telling a man everything you like when you first meet... )''


The five questions every woman should ask before she gets in too deep:

 1) What are your short-term goals ?

''You should also be figuring out if you see yourself in that short-term plan, if you know what his plan is, you can immediately assess if you want to be part of it and what role you can play in it, or if you need to remove yourself from that equation.
And if he doesn’t have a plan, he’s not going to achieve his short-term goal- or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind.''

2)What are your long-term goals ?

If he says something silly like '' I'm just trying to make it day by day '', run.
If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. Immediately.

3)What are your views on relationships ?

Ask him about his mother, his father. If he had a good relationships with their parents, ''then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential familly, too.''
Ask him about his relationship with God. If he hasn't ''What’s going to make him even consider being loyal to you?''

4) What do you think about me ?

Listen to his answer closely. Every man will answer this question the same exact way. ''I think you're great, I think you'd make a great mom, you're fun, kind, reaally beautiful, you turn me on, you're energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with,'' all of that generic stuff we know you want to hear. Still, this isn't the answer you should be looking for. You want specifics. You want to know that he's really thought about you beyond the surface. So do follow-ups. '' Oh, you think I'm kind ? What about me makes you think I'm kind ?'' Then sit back and listen. If he can't give you a concrete exemple of how you've shown your kindness, he's not really thinking about you beyond the surface.''

5) How do you feel about me ?

''Now this is not to be confused with what do you “think” about me----''think'' and ''feel'' and two wholly different things.''
And if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it's because he doesn't feel anything for you---he just want something.''

If you’re already in a relationship with someone, these questions are still valid if you don't know the answers. You can ask them for clarification.

''Your man hasn’t asked you to marry him because of one or more of the following reasons: 1)he is still married to someone else; 2) you're really not the one he wants; or the real answer you don't want to hear, 3) you haven't requirred him to marry you or set a date.''

Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo - He's just not that into you

There are books which opens our eyes and there are books which make us to understand what was obviously right there in front of us but from different reasons, we didn't care or believe too much what thats meaning and how important is for us. To have a clear picture of our relationship.
This book is addressed generally to women who just don't believe or don't accept that a guy is just not that into them despite of his louder actions or behaviour. Instead of listening to it, what many women do? They try to find excuses for their unsatisfied situations ! They refuse to see the explicit truth that lying in theirs face so they try even harder to get men's attention.
It's very funny to notice that the simple thought of '' he's just not that into you'' is the last to take into consideration. How selfish and stiff necks we could be ! To keep it short, if you're confused with a guy that send you mixed messages, then you may to conclude that he's just not that into you.



This book is easy to read, likable, Greg has a humorous way to tell you the nasty truth.

I really encourage you to don't believe everything you read, but when it comes to relationships, your time and your happiness, it's really helpful to pick up on these lessons given by experienced authors. You may be the exception of all the rules, but if not, are you willing to assume such a huge risk of climbing mountains without equipment ?

Now, as I usually like to do, I chose parts or key phrases from the original book

• '' If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.''

• '' Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a fuck buddy situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.''

•  '' He's just not that into you if - He's not asking you out - »« '' Don't let him trick you into asking him out.When men want you, they do the work.'' »«

• '' If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know immediately. He won't keep you guessing, because he want to make sure you don't gest frustrated and go away. ''

• '' When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be. I know it's an infuriating concept-that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you.''

• '' If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's not calling you - »« '' If a guy you're dating doesn't call when he says he's going to, why should that be such a big deal ? Because you should be dating a man who's at least as good as his word.'' »«

• '' Men are cowards and they would rather wait until the end of time than give you bad news. For the record, a man who likes you wants to spend time with you.''
• '' Men are never too busy to get what they want.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's not dating you - »« '' Men, just like women, want to feel emotionally protected when a relationship starts to became serious. One way they do that is by laying claim to it. They actually want to say Im your boyfriend or I'd like to be your boyfriend.'' »«

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's not having sex with you - »« '' When men like you, they want to touch you, always. '' »«

• '' If a man is into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy. He may run and get his butt into therapy if there's some serious problem, but he'll never keep you in the dark.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's having sex with someone else - »« If he's sleping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he's not only behaving like a man who's just not that into you, he's behaving like a man who doesn't even like you all that much. '' »«

• '' Cheating is bad. Not knowing why you cheated is even worse. Don't date any man who doesn't know why he does things.'' '' Cheating gets easier everytime it's done.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He only wants to see you when he's drunk'' - »« It ain't love, it's sport. Bad boys are actually bad.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He doesn't want to marry you - »« '' Doesn't want to get married and doesn't want to get married to me are very different things. Be sure about which category he falls under.'' »«

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's breaking up with you - »« '' Guys don't do it if they can't live without you: they don't break up with you.''; ''These guys are able to exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.'' »«

• '' Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. :) ''
• '' Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It may be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to remember it oh-my-god-the-sex?-was-so-good-we?got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after-sex.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's disappeared on you - »« ''He might be lying in hospital with amnesia, but more likely he's just not that into you. No answer is no answer. Don't give him the chance to reject you again.'' »«

• '' Write the guy a really, really long letter, asking him every question you need to. Say everything you want to say. Call him all the names you feel like. Say something mean about his mother. And then- you guessed it- just rip it up.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He's married (and other insane variations of being unavailable) - »« '' No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.'' »«

• '' You're still helping a man cheat on his wife. Let's agree you're better than that.''
• ''  If a guy is yelling about his ex'wife or crying over his last girlfriend, try to find someone else to take you to the movies.''

• '' He's just not that into you if - He is a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak - »« '' If you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy.'' »«

• ''There's never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent danger. You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. (You have to be nice, too).''
• '' You're exceptional, but not the exception. Thinking of yourself as the exception is what got you into the mess in the first place.''